20 principles of twitter marketing

Posted on May 7, 2009


  1. a beverly hills address never hurt anyone.
  2. a quizzically looking avatar may make people feel insufficient and wanting.
  3. a quizzically looking avatar may make people feel hostile towards you.
  4. any tweet with #PORN in it is likely 2 repel half of all happily married couples.
  5. any tweet with #PORN in it is likely 2 attract the other half of all happily married couples.
  6. revealing anything authentic about yourself will cut your customer pie in half, roughly.
  7. a spoonful of bullshit helps the medicine go down.
  8. distorting perfectly healthy words using ‘tweet’ or ‘twitt-‘ will be seen as twitterifically tweet by many.
  9. showing off body parts other than your face in your avatar will make people wanna see more.
  10. elf ears in your avatar picture can support the notion that you’re able 2 do magic.
  11. when swine flu is on the march, using the word ‘viral’ creates unwanted associations.
  12. when everybody in your twitter stream is also trying 2 sell, it may B time 2 get out.
  13. avoid complicated words like the plague because they can cause aleatoric gastroenteristis.
  14. mentioning your mom will make your merchandise melt into your buyer’s heart like cheese on rye.
  15. positive references to @oprah or @BarackObama will not get you the racist vote.
  16. mentioning the Lord, God, Jehovah or Allah counts as a ticket of indulgence.
  17. as an internet marketer, you need one ticket of indulgence for each boring tweet, says the Lord.
  18. don’t count your followers by number but by their selfless devotion to your commercial cause.
  19. why did the chicken cross the road? because you tweeted the wrong URL. your bad.
  20. keep away from people like @flawnt who R not buying but only bickering.

© 2009 finnegan flawnt – extracted, after careful and lengthy deliberation, from @flawnt‘s free original tweets. feel free to donate 2 a worthy cause if you think this is gonna make you rich(er).