Posted on January 22, 2009


i suffered from narcolepsy well into my thirties. it made it difficult for me to hold down any job even menial activities. once i worked in a burger stint, corner business, greasy hair and rats in the kitchen, half of the customers drunk at seven a.m. when the shop opened. i was always the first to arrive and the last to leave. the greek owner had a strict regiment, perhaps he thought he was alexander the great or something. he also had two women both of whom thought they alone were married to him. he saw one during the day the other one in the evenings and often slept in the shop alone. anyways, around this guy i seemed to have kicked my habit, or disease, or perhaps addiction to sleep. but one day, as i was stirring a bunc fat-dripping fries in a pan, i simply slumped the fries landed on the floor, and i was fired. from a burger place! so i thought i need to find a job where i can take naps any time. like security guard. i signed up as security man at a jewelry company which then was robbed blind while i was – asleep. this evidently wasnt the career for me – i’d never have thought security people need to stay alert like this! i mean you see them virtually sleepwalk around glassy buildings or sidewalks, like zecurity zombies. a whole string of other jobs followed. being a manager in an accounting business wasnt bad – i managed to convince the supervisor that i was up to leading a team and she let me be. the team didnt care either – they were happy to not be managed. i had a comfy chair where i could slouch and when the darkness hit me, it was barely noticed. until the boss walked in and found me unawakable once. that was that then – the team seemed genuinely sorry to lose me.

i then went to a therapist – lovely woman – to sort myself out. it emerged that the sleepiness was like an addiction for me. and i loved the dreams i had when it happened. they were wild, i mean, unreal like dreams, but more so. i could actually touch things and it felt totally right and real, too. i had a lot of sex in my late twenties this way, including with marilyn monroe, rita hayworth, gina lollobrigida, sophia loren (who was the best, i loved her). i swear, i could have written a sex biography about every single one of these women. and men – i had sex with cary grant once and he let me touch the cleft in his chin like audrey hepburn (not my type) in charade. sexy stuff. in those days i was into the movie noir and i wore black, too. the therapist wore black as well, though she wore hardly anything one summer, my last summer with her, and i could see her bush (or thought i could) between her legs. that made me want her which i couldnt bring myself to say to her so i left. with her thinking that i was out of pocket. ridiculous because, i didnt say this yet, i dont need to work, never did. i am the second son of an english earl and a swiss heiress of phortune – pharma fortune, thats a pun of course. an aristocrat too, though i never hung with any of my stuck up relatives back in the land of green pastures, hung over hooligans and fish-and-chips notoriety. instead i grew up in sweden on a lovely isle i cannot even remember the name but the islands there look all the same and the people are blond. even the elk is blond. so i had the money, and i had my hallucinations, and no job, but a lot of job experiences.

but on my 39th birthday i declared the year of goodbye from my disorder. i was fed up being so awfully neurotic, and i couldnt keep a girlfriend either. perhaps they thought i was epileptic or something and wouldnt say it. and there were all broody and wanted things to evolve to life with kids and garden and all that. since i had already done the therapy thing, i was looking for something more, well, exotic, stimulating. since i was going to have to give up my crazy phantasies when i fell over that seemed only fair.

i found a witch in a small italian village. drove through one day, saw her sign along the road, and went in. not speaking any italian, but that was ok. she was my age i guess, covered in a fishnet suit or something like it and had hair down to her ass. lots of makeup, very dark eyes, wide apart, and a long nose, equiline i would say. seemed just crazy enough. we talked, then she put me in a trance, and there was also incense. i paid cash upfront, never minded that cause i had a carpetbag full of notes with me. she saw them too, and i thought then “perhaps thats a mistake”. you trust me, she said, and i nodded, thinking fuck you i dont trust you one little bit, but i was curious by then: she had lots of ancient looking icons on the wall, candlelight, several small temples, and her room was like a dark, cozy cave. i felt titillated and curious and not at all afraid. she then put me in a trance, i said that already. and she asked me to go to sleep which until then i could never do with sheer will, but there i could. and i should summon up one of my phantasy girls, and i did and who came was sophia loren, in a very tight dress and shorts with her lovely fat thighs and heaving bosom, it was a feast, but i didnt want to go any further because there i was not alone, and it would’ve felt like wanking in front of her (not my thing). so i sat down in my dream and sophia sat with me, and she had a fishnet on, too, and very dark eyes, and she stroked my cheek. it felt wonderful. she held me. i love to be held. i asked can i put my head in your lap and she allowed me to do it. sophia i said, this is so good, and that was true. i didnt need anything anymore, and i didnt want to wake up at all. i felt so safe. i love you, freddy, she said, and stroked me again. and so i stopped being narcoleptic, from that day on i lived with her and i dont need much, just some stroking and water once in a while, i just want her to look at me and hold me. i need no more.

© 2009 finnegan flawnt